Thornhope Glossary of Useful (and Mostly Rude) Terms
As compiled by Edith Postlethwaite, reluctantly edited by Kate, and with occasional commentary from Dan.
Afeared /uh-fee-ud/
Afraid, but with a poetic, slightly haunted edge. Said mostly by old women, witches, and anyone sensible enough to respect crossroads at midnight.
Usage: “I’m not afeared of it. But I’m not daft enough to challenge it either.”
Afore /uh-for/
Before, but with more folklore. Usually muttered when telling a story best shared around a fire with a mug of something hot and slightly illegal.
Usage: “We used to leave offerings afore the winter came. Not that anyone listens now.”
Banjo Butty /ban-joe butt-ee/
A fried egg sandwich. Named for the motion one makes when the yolk explodes and you have to hold it away from yourself like a sad, greasy guitar.
Usage: “Get us a banjo butty, will you? I’ve just exorcised something and I’m knackered.
Chippy /chip-ee/
A fish and chip shop.
Someone with a bit of attitude, usually small and loud.
In Thornhope, often both.
Usage: “She stormed off to the chippy with a hex in her pocket and murder in her eyes.”
Get Stuffed /get stuffed/
Polite village-speak for “sod off,” often delivered with a smile and a tray of homemade biscuits.
Usage: “You can take your scepticism and get stuffed, Trevor. The runes don’t lie.”
Gobshite /gob-shyt/
A person who talks far too much and knows far too little. Often male. Frequently loud. Occasionally hexed.
Usage: “The gobshite from the planning office said Wistman’s Wood wasn’t magical. Now he’s got nettles in places nettles don’t belong.”
Guv /guhv/
Short for "Guv’nor." How junior officers refer to their boss in crime dramas and, apparently, real life. Usually delivered with a sigh, eyeroll, or faint hint of mutiny.
Usage: “Right you are, Guv’, but if that ghost kicks off again, I’m not doing the paperwork.”
PCSOs /pee-see-ess-ohs/
Police Community Support Officers. Not quite coppers, but don’t say that to their faces. Good at local gossip, less good at containing spectral infestations.
Usage: “It’s alright, love. One of the PCSOs saw the whole thing—says the goat started it.”
Pillock /pill-uck/
A harmless idiot. Usually well-meaning, rarely helpful. Almost certainly in need of supervision.
Usage: “No, Dan, you can’t salt the pavement. It’s not part of the perimeter ward, you pillock.”
Scraps /skraps/
The golden, crispy bits of leftover batter scooped from the bottom of the fryer at the chippy. Technically waste. Spiritually divine. Free if you ask nicely. Often thrown in with your order if the server likes you—or if you’re a tiny demonic goat with attitude.
Usage: “Nick’ll do anything for a bag of scraps. Last time he nearly hexed the fryer when they forgot them.”
Also known as: bits, batter ends, and the real reason Kate agreed to go to Tarwick Cross.
Shithouse /shit-hows/
Either a coward or an absolute unit, depending on context. Can be an insult or a badge of honour.
Usage: “You didn’t even flinch at the banshee—proper shithouse, you are.”
(Alternative usage: “Don’t trust him. Shithouse energy.”)
SOCOs /sock-ohs/
Scene of Crime Officers. The ones who actually do the work while detectives mooch about looking troubled.
Usage: “SOCOs found three footprints, two broken charms, and half a Jaffa Cake. Tell me again how it’s not a ritual site.”
Steve Arnott /steev ar-nut/
Not a man from the village. A fictional copper from Line of Duty with suspiciously tight trousers and a permanent frown. Can also be mentioned whenever someone is being overly dramatic, overly serious, or under six feet tall with a hero complex.
Usage: “Alright, Steve Arnott, calm down before you sprain your sense of justice.”
Thissun /this-un/
Northern for “this one.” Said with fond exasperation or suspicious side-eye. Often used when someone’s being daft, dramatic, or both.
Usage: “Thissun walked into the circle, didn’t he? While I was chanting.”
Wrongun /ron-gun/
A person you wouldn’t trust to watch your pint, let alone your back. May or may not be possessed.
Usage: “I’m telling you, he’s a wrongun. No one smiles like that in February unless they’re hiding something.”